The Devil You Know.....

How yoga philosophy helps us understand why we cling to familiar suffering, avoid change, and choose the known over the freedom we deeply want.

Namaste Friend,

In my last two newsletters, I shared some vulnerable stories from my life. Today, I want to share another personal story with you that connects a real life situation with a significant source of suffering we all experience. This one is much less vulnerable, but I think it illustrates the point beautifully, and hopefully helps you see that what we do in smaller areas of our lives, often shows up in the deeper levels too.

Change Is Hard

A few weeks ago I hurt my back. For a while I couldn’t do any of my normal physical activity. I started seeing a physical therapist who looks at the whole body instead of just the injury. She determined that my current injury, persistent low back tightness and knee pain were linked to a misaligned pelvis and sternal compression from excessively tight neck and back muscles related to chronic migraine.

The details of my injury don’t matter. They are simply a vehicle to illustrate a larger reflection point.

Why do we try to avoid change even when we are suffering?

“Something’s Not Right”

For years I knew there was something off in my skeletal system. I had pain and tightness in different areas of my body that developed over years and was never relieved by stretching or rest. I herniated a disc just by standing up from a chair. I couldn’t get into certain yoga poses that were previously easy. But little by little, I got used to this new normal.

I knew what my body could do and what it couldn’t. Certain pain and limitations were expected. In my yoga practice I knew what postures were easy and which ones were a struggle. I didn’t know why, but it was familiar. So while I had physical pain, mentally I was in my comfort zone - familiarity.

For years I knew that I should probably see someone about the pain I was experiencing. But then came the resistance. It was going to take time, effort and money. And who the heck do I even go to to help me with this mysterious body wide pain that is unrelated to any injury?

Then came the doubting. Can anyone do anything about it anyway? Maybe this is just aging.

I hope you can see where I am going with this. This isn’t just about physical pain. This is about how we learn to accept things in our lives that we know aren’t right.

Relationships, jobs, identities, bodies and more. We can know something is off, but because things changed slowly over time, we learned to accept limitations, avoid anything that would intensify the pain, doubt our ability to make it better and believe that this is just the way it is.

Overcoming Inertia

Change often requires a great deal of inertia to overcome the resistance in its path. My inertia came from a second herniated disk. This one from simply putting groceries away. The frustration I felt from having to endure not only physical pain, but the pain of missing activities that I love finally lit a fire under my ass.

But do we have to have an inciting event? Do we need to get fired before we change careers? Do we need to have our marriage on the brink of divorce before we seek help or decide to walk away? Do we need to have one of our identities collapse before we are willing to see that’s not who we are?

I am here to suggest the answer is no. It can be done sooner, but it requires awareness, and a willingness to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Most importantly, it requires you to make a decision and believe in it. The decision to commit to change, regardless of how uncomfortable it is, and your belief that it is possible, are the most important steps. Without those two things, any actions you take will be in vain.

When Change Begins

As I have been working with my physical therapist and starting to shift the alignment of my pelvis and rib cage, I find myself more physically and mentally off balance. Nowhere is this more noticeable than on my yoga mat.

I am uncertain of how far my body can go. Nothing feels the same and I am tentative with each move. Can I go as deep in my back bends? Will I strain a hamstring in my forward fold? Is this twist going to bother my injury? There actually isn’t a lot of physical pain now, just the pain of uncertainty.

This is a metaphor for life. So often we find ourselves in life situations that feel familiar. We know what hurts, we know how to avoid it. We know what feels good and we try to maximize it. We know what we are capable of in any particular posture of life and we modify circumstances and ourselves, to increase pleasure and decrease pain. But deep down we still feel it. Something is off.

Our Subconscious Belief

Have you ever heard of the old saying, “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” This is pointing to an ancient truth. We would rather suffer in a way that feels familiar than step into a freedom that feels unknown.

In yoga this is called abhinivesha — the deep human instinct to cling to what feels known and safe. Even when the known is painful, it can feel safer than the uncertainty of change.

So where in your life do you keep hearing the whisper:

“Something is off.”

“This just doesn’t feel right.”

“Is it normal to feel this way?”

And where might life be asking you to stop choosing familiar suffering over uncertain freedom?

Pebbles, Bricks & Brick Walls

I grew up watching Oprah and many of the things she taught have stayed with me to this day. Countless times I heard her say: “Life tries to get your attention by throwing you a pebble. If you don’t listen, it sends a brick. If you don’t listen to that, you get the whole brick wall.”

My whisper of “something is not right” was the pebble. My second herniated disk was the brick (actually probably my second brick ☺️). I decided I didn’t want to wait around for the brick wall. How about you?

Getting Honest With Yourself - Satya

Has life thrown you any pebbles or bricks recently? Where have you been hearing the whispers, or something louder, but ignoring them because change feels scary and hard?

Abhinivesha is a normal part of human behavior. That’s why it was written about 4,000 years ago. But it doesn’t have to hold you back.

You can choose to to take small courageous steps every day toward less suffering and more freedom. But first, you need to practice satya.

Satya is a Sanskrit word for truthfulness. It is one of yoga’s 10 ethical tenets called the yamas and niyamas. Truthfulness applies to the things we tell others, and the things we tell ourselves. Often we know the truth, but admitting it feels scary. If we admit the truth we might have to change. We might have to let go of abhinivesha, but the only way forward toward a sense of wholeness and connection is through satya. We cannot come home to ourselves and build an aligned life if it rests upon falsehoods.

Expect that once you begin to change, you will feel tentative and uncertain for a while. Give yourself grace and keep moving forward anyway. Freedom lies on the other side of your ability to practice courage and honesty daily.

So, tell me. What change have you been avoiding? What truth have you been hiding - even from yourself? What’s one small step you could take to move in the direction of less suffering and more freedom?

Yoga is a path designed to help us come home to ourselves and to liberate ourselves from all that keeps us separate. The map is yours for the taking. It requires only that you be truthful and make the choice to commit.

This Month’s Satsang

This month’s Satsang is on Rāga, one of the five kleshas, or causes of suffering, in yoga philosophy.

Rāga is often translated as attachment, craving, or clinging to pleasure. It is the mind’s habit of reaching for what felt good before and believing we need it in order to be okay.

Together, we’ll explore how attachment shows up in our everyday lives — in our relationships, identities, expectations, comforts, and the versions of life we are trying so hard to hold onto.

This is not about rejecting joy or pleasure. It is about learning how to love, enjoy, and receive life without gripping so tightly that we create more suffering.

Join me for this month’s Satsang as we explore Rāga, attachment, and how yoga helps us loosen our grip and return to the peace within.

Tuesday, July 15 at 3 PM ET

On The Podcast

This week on The Midlife Purpose Project, I’m exploring the myth of balance — and why we may be thinking about it all wrong.

Instead of trying to hold everything perfectly still, yoga teaches us that balance is a practice of noticing, adjusting, wobbling, falling out, and returning again. If you’ve been feeling stretched thin or like you’re failing at “balancing it all,” this episode is a gentle reminder that you are not failing. You are practicing.

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Thank you for being here and for helping this work find its way to the people who need it.